I am not always patient,

I am not always kind.

I do sometimes envy,

I do sometimes boast,

I have let pride get the best of me.

I have dishonored others,

I have been self-seeking,

I have been easily angered,

I have kept records of wrong doings.

I have fallen into evil schemes, and

I have forgotten God’s Truth.

I have failed to protect, I have failed to trust, I have failed to hope, I have failed to persevere, I have failed at loving the way God calls us to love. (1 Cor 13:4-7)                   

I am not always who I need to be—Sometimes I walk in circles around the Promised Land with a wilderness mentality. Our thoughts guide our walk with God. When we start to think differently, we begin to walk differently, and inevitably, we begin to love differently.

When our thoughts begin to contradict God's Word they will start to lead us away from seeing ourselves the way God sees us. Abba sees us as sons and daughters. Yeshua considers us his friends, His co-inheritors. But we don’t always think of ourselves this way or construct our lives from this place. Instead, we become comfortable— because even prisons can become comfortable.

God wants us to have our identity in Him. But how do we transform our minds from the way we see ourselves to the way Yeshua sees us? How do we escape the prison?

SLOW DOWN

Finding the balance between “striving for perfection” and “totally not giving a crap” can easily become one of the most stressful parts of my walk with God. The number of things I must “do” becomes overwhelming — and even Faith can feel like a list of chores.

So many lists. Somehow, I became a slave to lists. As items got checked off the list, more items got added. It was an effort to stay organized and on top of things—but it needed a health audit. I was becoming more Martha than Mary, and it was no bueno.

I knew better.

Martha, a disciple of Jesus, lived with her sister, Mary, and her brother, Lazarus, in Bethany. Jesus spent a lot of time with this family, and they are remembered as loved by him. The bible only gives us snippets of their friendship with Jesus. The Word of God and the Wisdom of God help us to understand the deeper connections.

Martha is most known for being the “too busy” sister, in contrast to her younger, “sitting at the feet of Jesus” sister, Mary. (Luke 10:38-42)

Luke tells us that Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made when she opened her home to Yeshua and His disciples. Naturally, there were many tasks that came with hosting this honored guest. While she was busy fussing, her sister, Mary, sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he had to say.

This is one of those moments we can infer that Martha and Yeshua were close friends. Martha tells Him to intervene in a very informal and demanding way: “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41-42)

Taking time to slow down, quiet my spirit, and just sit at Yeshua's feet felt irresponsible with all the things I had to do. But I took note: “Mary has chosen what is better.”

I knew better, but I wasn't doing better. To be honest, I don't always know how to detach from all of the responsibilities looming over me. God is the gravity holding together five thousand thoughts. Sometimes the chaos of adulthood makes youth seem so fleeting and fun feel so foreign. I want to pursue the Will of God, but sometimes I lose hope. And, I can be pretty hard on myself.

A NEW START

I needed Jesus to resurrect my drying bones. This season required a resurgence of energy for the new vision God planted inside of me. I could feel change on the horizon, but I struggled with some doubts— I'm too old to start something new.

The Book of Genesis introduces us to Sarah, the wife of Abraham, the mother of Isaac, and thus the ancestress of all Israel. When God told Sarah she was going to have a son at her age, she doubted God. She didn’t just doubt—she laughed when she heard it. Sarah believed she was too old for new beginnings. (Genesis 18:1-15)

God used a moment in Sarah’s life when she knew better and didn’t do better to speak to a season in my life when I needed to see the bigger picture... When I needed to walk in faith and brave a new start.

Sarah is remembered for her faith after having been through the whole process, not just by one moment she didn't do better. God knew who He designed her to be, and He led her to the Promise. But that may not always be our first response, and that's ok. He uses that too. We just have to keep following Him.

FOLLOW HIM

God is our Shepherd—It is His role to guide and protect us. It's our role to stay close and follow Him. God knows that we will stray off. He sees His sheep getting tangled in vines trying to reach something that is off path. Thankfully, He will pursue after us.

Abba loves us. He saves us from our wandering minds and equips us with the knowledge to save ourselves—like any good Father would.

God trained David to be a shepherd before he made him a King. It was that training that gave David the confidence to defeat Goliath at such a young age. It was that training that led him to repentance when he strayed away from the Lord later in life. God uses our struggles to train us.

God knows what prisons we would become comfortable in if he doesn’t intervene. My shepherd called me to sit at his feet when I became too busy, and placed a vision within me when I thought it was too late in the game to chase a dream.

I knew better.

When our Shepherd intervenes, we grow in Faith through seasons of putting Kingdom principles to the test. God uses His Word to remind us to repent and grow forward so that negative thoughts and behaviors no longer hold us captive.

Our God wants to give life to our dry bones. He wants to use our lives to share His redeeming love with others. So, it is important that we listen and follow His lead.

I had to slow down, shut out my own voice, and listen for His. When our thoughts contradict God's Word, we begin to walk differently, and inevitably we begin to love differently. How we walk with God will determine how we love ourselves, and others.

I knew better.

But at his feet, I learned that Yeshua didn't want me to DO better.

He wants me to BE better—to not have anxiety from running on empty with so much to do, to not live in self-doubts and dry faith, to not feel like I had to make it all happen by myself, on my own strength, with my own knowledge...

Yeshua wants us to slow down, to embrace new beginnings, and follow Him. We don't always know better and we won't always do better. But God uses all of it to help us become better, so that we can love better.

I won't walk in Godly love if I don't sit and allow myself to be loved by God. I won't walk alongside others the way I should if I am not equipped for good works. The training in righteousness does seem to feel like its always on the move. This is why we pray.

The competence required to love the way God does means we have to prayerfully take a seat at His feet and be taught through the Word of God. Like Sarah we may doubt at first, but the Holy Spirit teaches us how to walk by faith.

I am so humbled by Abba's love and grateful that my Father's love never fails. (Romans 8:15)

So, I prayerfully surrender my flaws and my failures, and allow God to inspire my way of being. (Acts 17:28)

And, I apply God's blueprint, to renew my mind, so that I am equipped to love the way He does. (Rom 12:2)

Because, Abba Inspires Me...

Now I ...

AIM to see myself the way God sees me

AIM to slow down, start new, follow Him

AIM to love the way God loves

Afterall,

If it weren’t for God’s Love,

I wouldn’t even know what to AIM for.

1 Cor 13:4-8