Check Your Posture

The Spring rays are streaming through the entrance of my building lighting up the turn of the century lobby. The City has been awake for hours, and the energy hits me as soon as I step onto Columbus Avenue. The long winter lock-up took its toll and it’s time to walk in the sun.

My reflection walking across from me on the storefront windows prompts me to straighten up. At times my posture has been an obstacle walking across the courtyards of my dreams. I remember wishing I could walk with some semblance of regality, but the clunking of my Timbs hitting the concrete distracted me.

I have a few blocks to trek and a lot of weight swirling in my head. I’ve been my winter-self lately, withdrawn, discouraged, and honestly, just worn out— battling one issue after another. In that, I am not alone.

One block later and it didn’t take much to remind me of the pain I carry in my heart. A song comes on, an image flashes, a friend shares a hurt— and then all that extra weight we carry in our minds descends to the shoulders. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m spiritually slouching.

I turned the corner onto a long-shaded block leading to Central Park. The tree-lined street has hard lessons to teach with plenty of moments for inspiration. Even the rows of eclectic brownstones and brick walk-ups remind me of my friends and family—beautiful old souls, individually and collectively.

It’s on these long shady blocks that I walk more closely to God; In these valleys that I search for my suffering in His Word to rediscover His purpose. Each step reveals what I am afraid of and what I am fighting.

God leads me to Luke, the doctor, who tells us about a woman full of tribulations: She stood behind Jesus, fell to her knees in anguish and began to wash his feet with her tears. Jesus rebuked the critical men in the room and gently said to the woman offering her broken self, “Daughter, your faith has saved you; Go in peace.” (Luke 7:36-50)

Hardship manifests into all kinds of aches and pains. In my case, it’s my stomach. Every month unbearable pain in my lower abdomen makes everything harder. No one can see the injuries. Physically, the scars are surrounding my womb; Emotionally, the scars engulf my heart. Amazing how closely connected those two places are.

There aren’t enough blocks on this trip to dig into the mess of a mom I feel like sometimes. The brutal divorce, the broken family, the wounded children—it’s an all- inclusive healing journey. When the pain resurfaces, I know God is about to flex some spiritual chiropractics.

Luke introduces me to another woman in scripture who suffered for 12 years with an affliction in her womb. In her suffering she found Jesus, and with a desperate heart she came from behind Him to touch the hem of his garment. The story goes on to teach that He could feel His power drawn from Him and said to the healed woman, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace.” (Lk 8:43-48)

When I started out on this exercise, my head hurt from worry, my shoulders were tense from stress, my back ached from carrying too much, and even my knees hurt from being overextended.

Sometimes we try to be Iron Woman: a mechanical goddess with super-human strength, the efficiency of a computer, able to answer any question on command…solve any problem…fight any battle with poise. Until we get unhinged, unplugged, off-track…

Rarely do we realize that fear is the culprit— The root cause of the worry, stress, and anxiety.

I’ve walked around a city block with God more times than I can count. Some of life’s traumas can feel like miles. I recently had a season that felt like I hiked the perimeter of Manhattan. One thing has always remained steadfast, God’s Grace.

His Grace looks like Central Park, trees glistening in the sunlight with all the city life colorfully buzzing by. The change of scenery is motivation to keep going. The Peace I long for is just ahead. But this isn’t the time to rush.

God calls my attention back to my reflection. There I am walking across from myself on the framed street-level windows. I’m looking to find my reflection in God—God’s looking to find His reflection in me. This is the last stretch to remind me of my worth, to prompt me to stand upright.

There is rest in leaning, but there are crippling effects to hunching. You can see the difference between a worrier and a warrior by the way they carry themselves. The key is learning how to adjust our posture before we are spiritually slouching.

Over time we grow to accept that troubles come to test our faith. We find joy during hardship having learned the rewards of perseverance. When perseverance finishes its work it builds our character, and out of renewed character springs Hope.

As soon as I hit the corner the warmth of the spring sun falls on my face. Lord knows I carried what I could as long as I could—but I had to leave my burdens around the corner.

I return to the courtyards of my dreams. The Iron Woman suit is in the closet next to the vacuum that waited for me to get back from my walk. The sun enters my mid-century split-level house, the light ushered in a new season.

I plan to walk upright in a posture of Peace— to watch carefully, listen patiently, live authentically, laugh frequently, and love generously. Trusting that if I fall off track, God will remind me to check my posture.

Daughter, your faith has saved you. Go in Peace.